


learning friendship like a foreign language

by Clare_Hope



Series: Fluency (learning friendship like a foreign language) [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Toph Beifong and Zuko are Siblings, but like with the added bonus of a bunch of other tropes, obligatory gaang finds out about zuko's scar fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24883261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clare_Hope/pseuds/Clare_Hope
Summary: Gradually, Zuko learns how friendships work. Also, his friends learn how Zuko works, and why.
Relationships: The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Fluency (learning friendship like a foreign language) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800565
Comments: 667
Kudos: 3950





	1. The Buddy System

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, new friends (and old friends)! I was one of those kids who didn't watch television, so I never watched ATLA growing up and I finally saw it when it was put on Netflix. It lived up to every expectation! Hooray for new resurgences of old fandoms! It's one of the beautiful things in life. Enjoy the fic! <3 ~Martin

Zuko had to learn pretty quickly what 'the buddy system' meant after joining the Avatar and his friends. Apparently, for safety reasons, nobody was supposed to go off very far by themselves--they always had to travel in pairs. Today, they were off looking for food down the mountain from the Western Air Temple. Aang stayed behind with Haru, Teo, and The Duke, but Katara and Sokka had taken Appa down, which left Zuko to be buddied with Toph. Of all of them, she was probably the one he was most comfortable with. He wondered if it had been a coincidence, or if nobody else had wanted to be around him so Toph had taken one for the team.

As they were walking in silence down the bank of a river, Zuko was startled when Toph suddenly laughed loudly.

"What? What is it?" Zuko asked.

"I just realized, we are the  _ worst  _ two of the gang to send foraging together," she replied. "Two rich kids, one of which can't see? We're more likely to bring home poison berries than anything edible."

Zuko wasn't sure if he should laugh with her or be offended. "I know what berries are poisonous," he stated, though he wasn't entirely sure that he did around here. "I was a refugee with my uncle for a while, I know how to find food."

Toph didn't look convinced. She paused, putting her foot into the water of the river and standing on the rocks. A second later, a large stone burst out of the water with a stunned fish on top of it. Stone and fish landed on the bank next to Zuko. "There, that'll make Sokka happy. Now we can just explore!" She darted into the water and splashed in his general direction.

"What am I supposed to do with this fish?" called Zuko.

"Wrap it up and put it in your bag, I guess. Come on, the water is great!"

Wrinkling his nose, Zuko did as she suggested with the fish. When he looked up again, Toph was lying face-up in the shallow water, swirling around in an eddy with a grin on her face.

"Have you gotten in the water yet?" Toph said loudly over the rushing water.

"No," Zuko said. "I'm not planning to."

"Why? Can't'cha swim? I couldn't for a while but Katara taught me how to float easy."

"Of course I can swim, I just don't want to. And you're going to be soaking for the whole walk back to the temple."

Toph spat some water out of her mouth as she stood back up. "So?"

"So, isn't that uncomfortable?"

"I don't mind being wet. If you're worried, you could always make a fire and I could dry off by it."

"It's summer, I could start a forest fire by accident."

She climbed out of the water with a shrug. "Then I'll air dry. Anyway, it was nice. It's too hot not to splash around sometimes. You should try it." She shook some of the water off of herself, spraying Zuko in the process.

"Hey!"

"Sorry," she said, not sounding very sorry. "The river gets really shallow around the next bend, let's cross it and check out what's on the other side before we head back. I haven't been over there yet."

"Fine." Zuko kept an eye out for anything edible as they moved on. To his annoyance, he didn't recognize many of the plants and the ones he did know didn't make for particularly good food.

When they reached the shallower part of the river, Toph rushed up to the bank and then stopped suddenly on the sandy silt. She looked unsure.

"What's wrong?" Zuko asked, catching up to her.

"The river must smooth out here, it doesn't catch the stones like it did back there. Everything is sand."

"So?"

Toph stuck her tongue out in his general direction. " _ So _ , I can't use my earthbending to see when I'm standing on sand, dunderhead."

"Oh, sorry. Do you still want to cross the river?"

"Um." Toph took a hesitant step forward, then shook her head and scurried back to dry land. "I guess not." She sounded disappointed.

"Well, it doesn't look too exciting, anyway." Zuko squinted past the sunlight to look at the opposite bank. "The forest gets a lot thicker."

"I wanted to check it out," Toph sighed. She got a determined look on her face. "No, let's cross. It is shallow, right? I felt at least that much."

"Yeah, it doesn't look like it'll go past your knees." Zuko thought about offering her his arm to get across, but figured that would just get him punched.

She started wading across. Zuko followed, keeping a close eye on her and avoiding slippery, algae covered smooth stones embedded in the silt. His feet sank into the ground with squelching sounds. It was pretty uncomfortable--he could only imagine how much Toph hated it.

Suddenly, she slipped and fell with a cry and a splash. "Ow!"

"Are you alright?"

"Stupid algae," she yelped. "Ow!" She tried to stand up, but couldn't seem to put any weight on one of her feet. "Zuko?"

"Are you okay?" he repeated anxiously. What if she was hurt? He didn't want her to be hurt. And if she came back to the temple injured after being out with him, everyone would be angry at him. He hated himself for worrying about  _ that _ , but he was.

"I just twisted my ankle," Toph muttered. "But it hurts."

"Can you walk?" Zuko put his hand out to help her up, but she didn't reach out to take it. After a second, he realized that she had no idea what he was doing and he felt very stupid. "Um, I can help you up if you want."

She sighed. "Fine. Thanks." She put her hands up and he pulled her to her feet, letting her lean on him so she didn't have to stand on her injured foot.

When he had first joined the group, after he had accidentally burned the bottom of Toph's feet (which he still felt extremely guilty about), Sokka had carried her around on his back for a few days while she recovered fully. Maybe he should offer to do the same? Zuko didn't want to offend Toph, but he didn't want to make her walk on a twisted ankle, either.

"Let's go back to the other bank and just head back to the Air Temple," suggested Zuko.

Toph held tightly to his arm and limped back through the water. "Yeah," she said dejectedly. "We'll come back and explore another time."

"Yeah." He could see her relief when they reached solid ground and she sat down with a wince.

"This sucks," she said, and saying it seemed to brighten her up a little. "It  _ suuucks _ ."

"Are you gonna be able to walk back?"

"I mean, I think I have to."

"I could...um, I could carry you on my back if you want. If it would be easier. Not that I don't think you can handle it, I just--"

"Okay," she agreed.

"Really?"

Toph smiled. "I'm not going to turn down a free ride, dummy. But I'm gonna get you all wet if you pick me up."

"It's okay, I don't mind."

"That's a change of tune!"

"I mean. Ugh, I mean, I'm not gonna  _ like _ it, but it's like...it's fine. I don't care. Here, we should head back sooner rather than later so Katara can see if she can fix your ankle when she gets back." Zuko crouched down next to Toph and helped her climb up onto his back, her arms clasped around his neck.

"Yep, probably a good idea. It might be sprained," she added.

"Sorry."

"Not your fault that the river algae got in my way."

"I should have paid more attention."

"You're being dumb," Toph informed him. "Stuff happens."

Zuko decided not to say anything else. After a while of slow walking (Toph wasn't  _ heavy _ , but she also wasn't especially light), he felt her put her chin down on top of his head with a tired sigh. There was a weird feeling in his chest which he identified as  _ affection _ . He wondered if, had he and Azula been less...whatever they were, he might have felt this way about his younger sister. He thought he might have.

"You're really warm," Toph observed sleepily. "You're making me wanna take a nap."

"Fire-benders run hot," he replied. "I won't drop you."

"I know you won't," Toph said, and she patted the side of his face.

Zuko tried and failed to completely stifle the cry of pain he made as her hand collided with the scar tissue on his cheek, aggravating the nerve damage and making a burning agony dance through his skin.

Toph recoiled. "Oh!"

"It's fine," Zuko said through gritted teeth, not wanting her to know how much it still hurt. "Don't worry about it."

"What did I do? I didn't hit you that hard, did I?"

Suddenly, Zuko realized that, although Toph undoubtedly knew that he was scarred, she had no way of knowing on which side of his face it was or where it was on his face. The idea actually made him feel better for a second--his scar didn't define him for Toph like it did for most people who encountered him. "Just, maybe don't touch that part of my face, okay?" He reached up and guided her other hand to the un-scarred side of his face.

"Oh," Toph said softly. "That's where your scar is, isn't it? I knew something felt strange about it."

"Yeah. It's fine, really."

"Didn't sound fine. Does it hurt?" she asked, curious and unrestrained.

"Yep. Only when something touches it. Otherwise it's completely numb." He didn't really want to talk about it.

"It hurts a lot if something touches it, then? Sounded like it hurt a lot."

"Yeah, it hurt a lot," Zuko answered shortly.

"How big is it?"

Zuko exhaled slowly. "Toph."

"Hey, everyone else gets to know."

"Maybe you should ask one of them," he said.

"Are you kidding? They'd get so uncomfortable if I asked them something like that."

I'm _ uncomfortable with you asking something like that! _

"If you don't want to tell me, that's fine."

"It's not," Zuko managed, "that I don't want to tell you. I just. Have a hard time. Talking about it."

Toph put her cheek down on top of Zuko's head. "Normally, I'd be stubborn and keep asking, but I'm gonna leave you alone for now."

Zuko nodded gratefully and kept walking. About halfway back to the air temple, he was starting to get tired. "Toph, is it okay if we take a break?"

"Sure," she mumbled.

He set her down and sat next to her on a fallen log. Both of them were quiet. Zuko wrestled with the thought of actually answering her question, but he didn't think he could. Still, he didn't want her to think that he was being...stand-offish. "Here," he said, very quietly. He took her hand and put it up to the bottom of his scar. Her fingertips brushed against it, and he winced reflexively even though she wasn't pressing enough to hurt.

She pulled her hand back. "I don't want to hurt you," she protested.

"You won't. I can't talk about it, but if you want to know how far it extends, you can touch it." Zuko held very still. "You won't hurt me," he repeated. "Just don't press on it."

"You're not lying," Toph concluded. She gently trailed her fingers up around the edges of his scar, over his ear, and he had to close his eyes as she touched his eyelid. "It's...it's bigger than I expected it to be. It was a burn, right?"

"Yep."

"It's over your eye."

"...yep."

"Can you see out of that eye?"

"...not as well as I used to."

Toph took her hand away. "I'm sure I should have something kind and reassuring to say, but all I'm coming up with is 'oof'."

Zuko laughed. "That's fine. It's an 'oof' situation."

She patted his arm. "Some other time, I might ask how you got it."

He tensed. "Some other time, I might tell you."

"Fair enough."

"Come on, let's keep going." He helped her onto his back and walked back to the temple. She was asleep by the time they reached it, and he laid her down near Appa, who snuffled at him.  _ Katara and Sokka must be back. _ He went to find them. Sokka was sprawled out by a low fire, eating nuts.

"Hey, Zuko. Find anything edible?"

"Toph caught a fish." Zuko took it out of his bag and gave it to him.

"Gee, thanks."

"Where's Katara? Toph twisted her ankle, she needs healing."

"Ouch. She's with Aang."

Zuko nodded and left Sokka to deal with the fish.  _ I wonder if Toph will tell any of them about my scar hurting when she touched it, _ he thought. Somehow, though, he had a feeling that she would keep it to herself as long as he didn't bring it up.


	2. Sparring Partners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway, I love Sokka

"You only keep beating me 'cause you have two swords to my one!" grumbled Sokka.

Zuko raised his eyebrows (well, eyebrow. The one that got burnt off never really grew back). "I keep beating you because I've been swordfighting for over half my life and you picked it up this year. Try again?"

Sokka got to his feet and sighed heavily. "Fine."

"Here." Zuko put one of his swords on the ground to the side. "Are we evenly matched now?"

"Oh, I'm going to crush you," Sokka said confidently, brightening.

Zuko disagreed, but then again, he was much less comfortable with a single sword than a dual. He would have to keep his wits about him.

They sparred for a few minutes, neither of them giving or taking much ground. Zuko was being careful, but he wasn't trying too hard to win. Sokka needed practice more than any real lessons, so Zuko figured he would just keep it up until one or both of them was too tired to keep going.

Then, even though Zuko was watching Sokka's eyes to see what his next move would be, he was taken by surprise. Sokka leapt up onto a high rock and swung at Zukko's shoulder, which wasn't surprising. But as Zuko dodged to the side and Sokka jumped down, instead of landing with both feet, he hooked one of his legs behind Zuko's knees and tugged hard.

Managing to hold onto his sword, Zuko lost his balance and fell heavily. He restrained his natural instinct to use firebending to break his fall, not wanting to burn Sokka by accident. The side of his face struck a rock and bounced off so it scraped against the rough ground. Blinding, searing pain shot through him, so agonizing and breathtaking that he couldn't even scream. The tap of a sword at his shoulder and Sokka's victorious shout barely registered.

"I won!" Sokka exclaimed delightedly. "Haha! I did it! Take that!"

Zuko let go of his sword and reached up to cover his face with his arms. He curled up against the pain, which wasn't receding like it normally would after the initial impact against his scar.

"Zuko?" Sokka prodded him with his foot. "Is this a trick? Are you gonna jump back up and attack me?"

He just couldn't answer. He could barely breathe.

"Wait, did I hurt you?" Sokka said, sounding more concerned now.

Zuko opened his mouth to lie, but what came out was a pained groan, almost a whimper.

"Uh-oh." Sokka's sword clattered as it was set on the ground. "I'm gonna get Katara!"

"No!" Zuko yelped. That was the last thing he wanted. He tried to sit up, but the pain was making him dizzy and he slumped back over. "Don't, that isn't necessary, I…" He bit back a scream. Talking moved the skin on his face, which made it worse.

As Zuko moved and uncovered his face, Sokka caught a glimpse of him. His eyes widened as he saw where the injury was. "It broke the skin," he said, trying to sound calm. "But you're barely bleeding."

"I'm bleeding?"

Sokka reached out as if to touch the scrape.

"Don't, please!" Zuko pushed his hand away frantically. "Don't touch it." It hurt  _ so much _ . He imagined what his father would say if he saw how Zuko was reacting to the pain. After all, he had laughed at him when Zuko had cried in the moments after being burned, before everything went dark. His breathing quickened. To his horror and disgust, he could feel tears welling up now.

"Okay, I won't," Sokka said quickly. "Oh, man, are you okay? I swear I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't think that fall would hurt you."

Zuko put his hand up to his face, gingerly exploring the area that was throbbing and burning. He could feel a gash in the skin under his eye, right above his cheekbone. It didn't hurt like a normal cut, it was worse and weirder than that. The nerve damage underneath the destroyed tissue made injuries feel strange. Only a little blood was running from the gash, probably because circulation to that part of his face wasn't great. The pain still wasn't fading. Another whimper escaped him, to his mortification.

"Is it just...is it just there?" Sokka asked, pointing. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Thinking that Sokka was making fun of him for making such a big deal out of such a small wound, Zuko shot him a glare and tried to get up to walk away. Again, the pain hit him in a wave that made him lightheaded, and he collapsed back to his knees. "Leave me alone," he said hoarsely.

"Uh...I don't think I should do that?" Sokka crouched down in front of him, his expression serious. "Here, let me look at it."

Again, Zuko recoiled as Sokka reached for his face. "Don't  _ touch _ \--"

"I'm not gonna touch it." With a steady hand, Sokka tilted Zuko's chin to the side. He put his other hand on the back of Zuko's head, keeping him from pulling away. "Just stay still. I'm not gonna touch it," he repeated as he scrutinized the injury. "I just wanna make sure you're right and we don't need Katara's help. Yeah, it doesn't look too bad, just a scrape. Looks like it hurts, though."

"You have no idea," Zuko said scathingly. He tore his face free as soon as Sokka loosened his grip. "And don't touch me." His voice broke. A tear slipped free, and as Zuko tried to wipe it away before it was notice, he brushed against his scar in a way that made the pain flare up even worse and  _ oh, no, please _ \-- He couldn't hold back a small scream. He squeezed his eyes shut and hoped no more tears escaped. Zuko waited for Sokka to start ridiculing him.  _ Just a scrape, why would you be crying? Pathetic, weak, useless… _

"It's okay, it's okay," Sokka was saying quietly. "I can tell it really hurts, you're in a lot of pain, it's okay that you're lashing out. It's okay."

_ What? What is he doing? _

"I'm guessing there's some nerve damage in your scar? I've seen similar things before, back home, burn injuries from Fire Nation attacks that kept hurting for years if they were hit wrong. Anyway, it's okay. It'll pass. Take some deep breaths."

"What are you doing?" Zuko whispered.

"Um. Trying to help, I think? Normally I'd hug someone if they were in pain like this, but you keep saying not to touch you. So I won't," he replied. "It's okay. It's okay."

"Oh." Zuko almost choked as a sob rose up in his throat. Other than Iroh, nobody had spoken to him with that soft of a tone when he was in pain since his mother had disappeared. Part of him wanted to tell Sokka that actually, a hug would be okay.  _ But that would be weird, right? _

"We might want to clean out the cut so it doesn't get infected," Sokka added. "Not right now, though. Just breathe right now."

Zuko wiped his eyes, more carefully this time. He still tried not to let Sokka see his tears. As kind as the boy was being, he was pretty sure that he wouldn't escape teasing if he was being a crybaby. It still hurt, but luckily it didn't sting as much as it had a minute ago.

"Doing better?" Sokka asked after another couple minutes had passed.

"Yeah."

"I think we should be done sparring for the day."

Though Zuko wanted to protest (there wasn't time to take a break, the comet was coming  _ so soon _ and even though Sokka was pretty good and could hold his own in a swordfight, he wasn't good enough that he could be confident of leaving the battle alive), his hands were shaking so badly that he doubted he could pick up his swords again if he tried. "Okay."

"Wanna go back to camp and, uh, have some tea? I'm not that into tea, but I know you like it."

Zuko tried to smile. "Sure." He got to his feet, a little unsteadily. He saw that Sokka was holding his hands out to help him, but either embarrassment or pride stopped him from accepting the support. "You should try tea like my uncle makes it sometime. I'm not nearly as good at making it as he is. He could convert anyone into being a tea person."

"I'd love to try his tea someday," Sokka agreed. "Your uncle seems like a pretty cool dude."

"He is." Zuko winced as a wider smile pulled at his injury. Then his face fell. "I wish…"

"You wish what?" Sokka prompted.

"Nevermind." If Zuko started talking about wishing he knew where Iroh was so he could apologize and beg him for forgiveness after all he had done to hurt him, he would have started crying and not been able to hide it.

Sokka didn't pry.

"Did something happen?" Toph asked as they approached camp. "Sparky feels shaky."

It was unnerving how well Toph could read people just by feeling their footsteps. "I'm fine. Fell down during a sparring match and got the wind knocked out of me," he said.

She tilted her head at him. "I know when you're lying."

He stifled a groan as he sat down next to her and glanced at Sokka. Nobody else was in earshot in camp, and Toph would understand, so he amended, "I hit my scar on a rock, split the skin a little."

She gasped softly, clearly understanding how horribly that would have hurt. She pressed her hand against his arm. "Sorry."

"I'm fine." Surprisingly, that part wasn't a lie. Despite the lingering sharp pains in the side of his face as well as the bruise he could feel forming on his jaw, he felt less...raw than he had been at first. "Just a little shaken up."

"Glad you're okay," she said. And then, as if to make it feel a little less sentimental, she punched his arm hard enough to look real but not hard enough to actually hurt. "Don't fall over anymore, genius, and you won't get hurt."

"It's not my fault Sokka tripped me."

"Hey! I didn't mean to hurt you!" Sokka protested. "I'm gonna go find your tea stash so you can make us some."

"Don't go digging through my stuff, it's right on top of my sleeping roll," Zuko stated. He let Toph slide closer to him and rest against his side as Sokka ran off.

"You're still nice and warm," mumbled Toph. "How does everyone not just take a nap on you as soon as they meet you?"

Instead of pointing out that it was a summer afternoon and therefore too warm already to need to share body heat, Zuko put his arm around her back. "Most people I meet aren't too keen on cuddling up to me," he said, faintly amused but also a little bewildered. Nobody except Mai had ever leaned against him, and (obviously) this felt nothing like that. There was trust in the way Toph let him support her weight. Again, he was struck by the thought that if Azula had ever been a normal younger sister and if there had ever been any affection between them, he might have held her like this at some point.

"Most people are dummies. Even if you are a bit bony, you make an okay pillow." She paused. "Your heartrate is slowing. You really are feeling better now."

Zuko didn't answer. Toph knew that she was right, and there was no point in confirming or denying it.

"Found the tea, but you're gonna have to make it," Sokka said, placing the tea pot and box of leaves down in front of Zuko. "And hey, how come Toph gets to hug you and I'm not allowed to?"

"I'm special," Toph said smugly.

"Yeah, she's special." Zuko began preparing the tea, lighting a small fire underneath the pot to heat the water slowly. "And I didn't say you weren't allowed to hug me." That part slipped out without his meaning to say it. He quickly backtracked and said, "Which doesn't mean that you can. But all I said was not to touch my face. Because. You know. It hurts."

"Right." Sokka flopped down next to him. "I mean, you definitely said 'don't touch me', but that's fair."

Again, Zuko didn't respond. He finished brewing the tea and handed cups to Toph and Sokka before pouring his own and sipping it. Toph was clearly enjoying her cup, and Sokka was...well, he was drinking it, at least, and not spitting it out. He counted that as a success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zuko: *is hurt*  
> Sokka: *is nice*  
> Zuko: ????? ????? *does not understand*
> 
> I hope you're all doing well! The world is a terrifying place, but we'll get through this. Remember to breathe.
> 
> Also, uhhh, hi everyone! The first chapter got a *lot* of hits and kudos, which I wasn't really expecting. I'm thrilled that this story is being so well received! You're all wonderful, and I appreciate you! <3 ~Martin


	3. Cooling Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, friends! Ready for a "Zuko gets sick"-trope chapter?

He would never admit it, but being locked inside the "cooler" at Boiling Rock had done a number on Zuko. Firebenders didn't do  _ cold _ . That was probably why it had been the punishment there. The freezing temperatures messed with a firebender's whole system, making them weak and vulnerable for days after exposure. Luckily, Zuko knew a trick most firebenders didn't. Iron's Breath of Fire, based on an old airbender technique, kept him warm enough to avoid the worst effects at the time. He had managed to get out of the situation alive and with all of his companions safe. But now, two days later, he could feel every part of his body shutting down in protest. He must have caught a cold from one of the other prisoners or something, because he felt  _ awful _ .

His limbs were heavy and achy. His throat hurt so much that he couldn't say more than a few words at a time (nobody noticed because it wasn't like he said much at the best of times, and everyone was distracted by Hakoda and Suki's safe return). And tonight, he definitely had a fever, which was not great. Firebenders, when they got fevers, got  _ bad _ fevers. Zuko just hoped that he could steal away from the rest of the group without attracting attention while he recovered.

"Hey, Zuko, we should probably work on training again tomorrow," Aang said suddenly over dinner.

"Hm?" Zuko looked up from where he was pushing food around in his bowl, unable to work up an appetite because of growing nausea. "Oh. Yeah, maybe."

"Are you okay?" Aang said with a frown. "You're...distracted."

"Just thinking about how little time we have." That wasn't a lie, not really. They had  _ so little time _ , how could Zuko waste it by getting sick? That was so stupid of him, so selfish and pathetic. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed." He pushed his bowl away and stood up to go back to the far corner of the Air Temple where he had been sleeping (far enough from the others that they wouldn't hear his nightmares). He was shaky, and his heartrate spiked with the effort of standing.

Toph frowned. He silently begged her not to point out his physiological symptoms to anyone else. "You do seem tired," was all she said.

"G'night, Zuko," said Sokka. He was sitting between Suki and Hakoda and looked happier than Zuko had ever seen him before. "Sleep tight!"

"Don't let the centipede bedbugs bite," Suki added.

Sokka gasped delightedly. "That's what I always say!"

Zuko rolled his eyes and stumbled off. He collapsed onto his bed roll with a groan. His fever was bad. He already wasn't thinking clearly, and he was exhausted.  _ Hopefully it'll break before morning, _ he thought, and drifted off into oblivion.

*****

"Someone should check on Zuko before we all go to bed," Toph stated as they were cleaning up from dinner.

"What? Why?" asked Sokka.

"Because he's sick, idiot." There was a moment of silence, and Toph could sense everyone's surprise. "Couldn't you tell?"

"No! I thought he was just tired!" Aang said worriedly. "How sick?"

"He's got a fever, and his heart is beating too fast. I figured he probably knows and he thinks getting a good night's sleep will fix it, and hey, it might, but still. Someone should check on him." Toph paused. "That someone should probably be me, huh?"

"I'll go with you," Katara said reluctantly. "If he is sick, I should probably try to heal him."

"That means the rest of you get to do the dishes!" Toph declared, and started off towards where she knew Zuko was spending the night.

As she approached the secluded corner he was staying in, she could tell something was wrong. His heartbeat was fast and fluttery, like it was during a nightmare, but it was also thready and weak. She could hear his labored breathing.

"He's more sick than I thought," she said, and ran the last stretch toward him. Closer now, close enough to touch him, she could feel the waves of heat that his body was giving off. "Katara!"

"I see him." She knelt down next to him. "But it's not like a wound, I can't do much for illness."

"Try," insisted Toph. She heard shifting as Katara uncorked her bending water and a distinct hum as she tried to heal him with it. His heartbeat got marginally stronger, but nothing else changed.

"That's really all I can do," Katara said. As much as she hated Zuko, it was clear she was telling the truth. Bending healing just didn't operate well with illnesses like this.

"Okay, I'm gonna sit with him. Can you bring my bed roll in here?" Toph requested, turning on a bit of her charm.

"He's not worth it, Toph," Katara said resignedly. "But yes."

Toph bit back a retort. She reached out and put her hand on Zuko's forehead, which was burning, as Katara left, being extremely careful not to get too close to his scar. Even so, she could feel him flinching in his sleep. "It's alright," she told him. "Nobody's gonna hurt you." He relaxed slightly, though she doubted he could actually hear her.

Once she was settled down beside him, she found herself yawning. She wanted to stay close so that she would wake up if his illness got worse, if his heart rate changed or his temperature shot up.

"I'm watchin' out for ya, Sparky," she told him seriously. "You're gonna be just fine." And then she curled up on her bed roll a foot away from him and fell asleep.

*****

Sokka was walking under the stars, unable to doze off even after staying up late talking to Suki until she had fallen asleep. Everything just happened so much. Worry and tension had been keeping him awake a lot recently. He had expected it to go away now that his dad and Suki were safe and with them, but if anything, he was more anxious now.

That anxiety got significantly worse when a scream rang out through the temple.

"Help!" Toph shouted. "Guys, help!"

Without hesitation, grabbing his sword on the way, Sokka sprinted towards the sound of her voice. Instead of finding an attacker, he was confronted with the sight of Toph kneeling next to Zuko, who was deathly pale, breathing raggedly, and thrashing around with a look of terror on his sleeping face.

"Sokka, help!" Toph wailed.

He dropped his sword (it wouldn't be much help in this particular situation) and crouched down next to them. His first instinct was to take hold of Zuko's shoulders and hold him still, worried that he was going to hurt himself. "What happened?" he asked Toph.

"He was just sleeping and then he started doing this!" Toph said. "I tried to calm him down but he won't even wake up! Sokka, what if he's dying?"

"He's not dying," Sokka insisted, though he had no idea.

"You're lying!" Toph cried.

"No! I just don't know, Toph, I don't know. Zuko! Zuko, buddy, wake up. Wake up!" Sokka tried. He was horrified by how much heat Zuko was radiating. This couldn't be good. And Zuko was fighting against his grip. Still, Sokka didn't want to let go. "C'mon, wake up. You gotta wake up. Toph, go get more help. Maybe Dad knows what to do."

"I don't wanna leave him!"

"What's going on?" called a sleepy voice. Aang was walking over to them, rubbing his eyes. "Oh, no, is Zuko okay?"

"He's sick, Aang, he has a fever," Sokka answered. "Can you go get my dad?"

"Does he need a frozen frog to suck on?" Aang asked sincerely.

Toph made a face. "What?! That's disgusting."

"No, he doesn't need a frog." Sokka was almost pushed backwards as Zuko writhed under his hands. "Aang, please, I don't know what to do. Get my dad."

Aang nodded and rushed away.

"Come on, Zuko, you gotta stay still. Calm down." Sokka put his hand behind Zuko's head, hoping to keep him from banging it against the ground. His other hand pressed down on Zuko's chest. He could feel a weak, rapid heartbeat.

A few seconds later, Aang was back with Hakoda in tow. No matter how grown-up Sokka had needed to become over the past year (years, really), he couldn't help thinking  _ Tui and La, I'm happy we have an adult with us now. _

"Dad, I don't know what to do," he said shakily. "He's really sick."

Hakoda felt Zuko's forehead. Zuko turned away from the touch like it scared him. "There's not much we can do except keep the fever down until it breaks naturally. Get some cold water."

"Should I wake Katara?" Aang asked.

"You could, but there won't be much she can do either."

"She tried to heal him last night and it didn't bring the fever down," Toph agreed.

"Bring some water and then you can go back to sleep," Hakoda said.

Aang frowned. "Sleep? But Zuko is sick."

"And if you sleep the rest of the night, you can sit with him in the morning while the night shift gets some rest," Hakoda told him evenly. “And you can let the other kids know that the situation is under control if they were woken up by the noise.”

"Oh. That makes sense." Aang left again.

"Toph, can you slant the ground so Zuko can be sitting up halfway? He'll be able to breathe easier," said Hakoda.

"Sure. Sit him up so it doesn't jar him."

Sokka helped his dad hold Zuko up. He could feel Zuko pulling away from Hakoda, which meant he was leaning into Sokka. "Why won't he let you touch him?" Sokka asked.

"I'm not sure," Hakoda said. He sounded sad. "But I don't think he's had good experiences with fathers. Unconscious like this, he may be afraid of me."

Not sure he understood, Sokka didn't know what to say. He set Zuko down against the slope that Toph had brought up from the ground. Zuko was breathing more deeply now, and he wasn't tossing and turning.

"I brought water!" Aang said, running over with a large bowl in one hand and some cloths in the other. The water was splashing out of the bowl with every step, but he was using bending to bring it all back. “Only Suki and Haru woke up, they were on their way over here but I let them know to go back to bed.” He set the bowl down next to Hakoda.

"Thank you, Aang." Hakoda took one of the cloths and soaked it, then reached to wipe down Zuko's face.

"Don't touch his scar," Toph and Sokka said at the same time.

Aang looked confused. "Huh? Why not?"

Neither of them answered. Sokka hadn't fully realized until that moment that nobody except him and Toph knew that the scar hurt if it was touched.

"Just...don't," Sokka repeated.

"You can go back to sleep now, Aang," Hakoda said.

Reluctantly, Aang turned away.

"Toph, Sokka, do you want to stay up tonight with him?" asked Hakoda.

"As if I could go back to sleep," Toph scoffed.

"I want to help him," Sokka insisted.

Hakoda showed them how to keep rotating cold cloths over Zuko's forehead, neck, and wrists. "That's where the blood comes closest to the surface. If you can cool it down there, the blood will travel deeper into the body and bring the fever down."

"How do you know this stuff?" wondered Toph. "My parents didn't know anything about medicine. They always called physicians in if anyone was sick."

"Sokka and Katara got fevers all the time when they were young," explained Hakoda.

"And you looked after them yourself?" Toph asked.

"Of course."

"Huh." Toph was quiet.

Sokka remembered the feeling of safety he would have when he was sick, hearing his father's voice and feeling his hand on his forehead. He hated the thought that Toph had never known that. He wondered if Zuko ever had, and remembered Hakoda's words,  _ I don't think he's had good experiences with fathers _ . Sokka didn't want to speculate about what that meant. It made him feel uneasy.

As they placed new cold cloths on Zuko, he flinched and cried out, reaching up to push their hands away. He was shaking, shivering. "C-cold," he rasped out.

"No, you're burning up," Sokka told him. "Stay--hey, stay still, why won'tcha?"

Zuko whimpered. "Please...no, don't…"

Sokka looked up at his dad worriedly.

"Zuko, can you hear us?" Hakoda murmured. "Are you awake, son?"

His breathing got ragged again and he shrank back, but he didn't answer.

"He's not awake," Toph stated. "He's not reacting to our voices, just our touch. I think he's dreaming."

A few months ago, the sight of Zuko in distress would have been a victory for Sokka. He would have celebrated it. Now, it made him want to pull his friend into a tight hug and never let him go. Other than the group hugs they had managed to drag Zuko grudgingly into, Sokka hadn't hugged him before. When Zuko woke up after this, that was the first thing he was going to do. For now, he reached out and pushed his hair away from his forehead so he could replace the already tepid cloth there. "It's alright, buddy," he said, even though Toph had just confirmed that Zuko couldn't hear him. 

For a little while, Zuko stayed relatively calm, though he was still trembling. Then he cried out in terror, pushing himself up like he was trying to get away. Startled, Sokka threw his arm over Zuko's chest to keep him still. Zuko screamed.

"No! No, please!"

"He's panicking!" Toph exclaimed. "His heart is going crazy!"

Hakoda tried to help hold him still, but that just made Zuko scream again.

As Sokka watched, Zuko's eyes opened. He stared up at him, seeing but not comprehending, still struggling to get free.

"Now he's awake," Toph said. "Still panicking."

"Zuko, it's just us," Sokka said. "Hey, it's just us. You're safe."

Zuko stopped fighting him, but he was hyperventilating. "What--what's hap…"

"Breathe, Sparky," Toph said.

"T-Toph?"

"Yeah, I'm right here."

With a violent shudder, Zuko met Sokka's gaze. His eyes were glassy and filled with unshed tears. "What's happening?"

"You're sick, you have a bad fever. You're gonna be okay, though."

"I'm c-cold."

Sokka shook his head. "No, you're not."

"P-please, I'm s-so cold." He might be awake, but Zuko wasn't entirely lucid. "It's...I don't want to s-stay...here, it's s-so cold."

Wincing, Sokka wondered if Zuko thought he was still locked up in the frozen cell in the prison. "I promise you're not cold. We're at the Western Air Temple, remember? And it's summer. You just have a fever."

A bit of clarity entered Zuko's expression. "You don't have to be here," he said hoarsely.

"What?"

Zuko glanced at Toph and then at Hakoda, flinching at the sight of the latter. "What are you doing here?" he asked, directing the question at Sokka.

"We're taking care of you. You're sick," Sokka reiterated.

"But...why?"

"Because...we...care about you?" ventured Sokka.

"I don't...understand." Zuko was quickly losing the lucidity he'd briefly gained. "Where...this isn't…"

"His blood pressure is dropping, he's gonna pass out again," Toph said, right before Zuko's eyes fluttered closed and he went limp. "And there he goes."

The rest of the night passed in much the same way. Zuko would sleep peacefully for a while, begin to get distressed, panic, wake up briefly, and fall unconscious again in cycles every hour or so. By the time the sun began to rise, Sokka was exhausted. It was clear that Toph was, too. She was leaning against the side of a rock she had pulled up to put her head down on, dozing off.

Then she sat up, a relieved expression on her face. "His fever just dropped," she said.

Sokka and Hakoda both reached for Zuko's forehead. Sure enough, in the past half hour since they had last checked, Zuko's fever had broken.

"Well, thank goodness," breathed Hakoda. "You two kids should get some sleep now."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Toph said, and flopped down on the ground with her head on her arms. In minutes, she was snoring.

As tired as he was, Sokka didn't want to fall asleep yet. He slid closer to his dad. Feeling very young, but not caring, he put his head down on his dad's shoulder. "Is he going to be okay?" he asked in a small voice.

"Yes, Zuko will be fine. At least from the fever."

"What does that mean?"

Hakoda sighed and put his arm around Sokka. "I'm more worried about his emotional health, Sokka. I don't like how reluctant he was to let us care for him, and I especially don't like that he seems to be afraid of me."

"I don't like that either," Sokka agreed. "You're...you're the best dad. I don't get it, you would never hurt him or anything."

"You know that. Perhaps Zuko does as well, but it might be harder for him to understand."

"Do you think his dad hurt him?" asked Sokka quietly. "Like... _ hurt _ him?"

"I…" Hakoda pulled him closer. "I think you should talk to your friend when he's recovered more fully."

That wasn't a satisfactory answer, but Sokka knew it was all he was getting right now. "Okay." He yawned and closed his eyes. "I'm glad you're here," he whispered.

"Me too, son."

Sokka snuggled closer and found himself falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all doing well! (Better than poor Zuko, at least.) I continue to be Tired, but I'm holding onto the good things in life. My cats, D&D, a book I'm excited to read that comes out in a week, good friends, all of your lovely comments on this fic, the joy of learning new things. What good things are you holding onto?
> 
> Take the time to admire a plant today if you can! I love you! <3 ~Martin


	4. Just a Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Hakoda is a Good Dad (and I love him)

Sitting very still and quiet, Hakoda let the kids sleep for as long as they needed to. Aang had come back at sunrise and tried to stay with them, but he was antsy and kept pacing across the floor, which probably would have woken Toph if he had kept at it. Luckily, Katara and Suki came to check on what was happening and took Aang away with Suki promising to teach him and Katara some specialized martial art forms. They took the other three kids with them, too. So Toph stayed asleep, and so did Sokka with his head in Hakoda's lap.

After an hour or so, while Hakoda had his eyes closed (not quite sleeping, but resting for a moment), Zuko woke up with a gasp. Cracking one eye open just enough, Hakoda saw him sit up and bring his hands up to his face. He was breathing hard.

"No, no," he whispered. He looked around, taking in Toph and Sokka and Hakoda. Probably assuming they were all asleep, Zuko slumped over with his head in his hands. Muttering softly to himself, Zuko said, "Should have gone farther away…" He attempted to stand up, but he was shaking and couldn't support his own weight. "How could I have been so weak? Waste of time…" His voice broke.

Not for the first time in the past few days, Hakoda was struck by the knowledge that this was a  _ child _ . Zuko couldn't be much older than Sokka, yet he walked around like he carried the burden of a much older man. Hakoda had been glad to see that Aang and Toph at least could still play around like children their age should, as could Teo and The Duke. Katara hadn't really acted like a child since her mother died, but even she would splash her friends mischievously when their backs were turned and smile innocently when they looked at her. Sokka...he had grown up a lot since Hakoda had left. But still, here he was, asleep with his head in his father's lap. And he had a girlfriend, and they acted how teenagers in love should act.

All of that just made Zuko stand out more. It seemed as if he had  _ never _ been allowed to be a child, not just that he was forced to grow up sooner than he should have because of the war. Hakoda wished he could reach out without worrying that he would spook Zuko away further. As it was, he was afraid his presence would leave Zuko no room to bond with the other kids.

Then Zuko's shoulders shook with a silent sob, and Hakoda  _ couldn't  _ just sit by and do nothing while a child was crying.

Reaching up to rub his eyes like he had just woken up, Hakoda looked up at Zuko. "Zuko? Are you alright?" he asked softly.

Zuko froze, tension and fear so evident in his posture that Hakoda thought for a moment that he would stand up and flee. Then, extremely deliberately, he took a breath, assumed a more relaxed position, and subtly wiped his eyes before turning to face him. "I'm alright, sir, I just woke up," he said politely.

_ Would it do more harm than good if I tried to talk to him about why he was crying? _ "Are you sure? You looked upset for a moment there, did you have a nightmare?"

Again, the boy stiffened and fear flashed through his eyes. "No. Um, no, sir."

"You definitely don't need to call me sir," Hakoda said, forcing an easy, reassuring smile. "I think the rest of the kids are busy--or busy sleeping. I don't know about you, but I'd like some breakfast and some tea." He carefully lifted Sokka off his lap and laid him down on the ground. When Sokka made a sleepy grumble of protest, Hakoda kissed his forehead, ruffled his hair, and stood up. "Come on, you should probably eat something. Being sick takes a lot out of you."

Zuko was staring at him now, looking between him and Sokka uncomprehendingly.

"Come on," Hakoda said again, gently. He held his hand out to Zuko, moving slowly, palm up. Zuko still flinched. Patiently, Hakoda kept his hand out and hoped it was clear that he was only trying to help him up.

Very hesitantly, Zuko took his hand and let himself be pulled to his feet. He was unsteady, and Hakoda left his hand on his arm in case he fell. "Thank you," Zuko said. There were layers of questions under the single statement.

"You're welcome." Hakoda didn't say anything else as they made their way to the main part of camp in the temple and ate breakfast. Zuko didn't eat much. Hakoda marked it down as something else to worry about, though it was possible he just didn't have much of an appetite right now because he still wasn't feeling well. He drank plenty of tea, so at least he wouldn't get dehydrated. But he was fidgety and wouldn't look Hakoda in the eye. "I hope you're feeling better than you were last night," Hakoda said.

"Um, yeah. Yeah, much better."

"Your friends were very worried about you. You had a bad fever for a while during the night."

Zuko held onto his cup of tea tightly, his knuckles turning white. "I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to worry them, it...it wasn't my intention."

"Intention? It wasn't your fault, Zuko, you didn't choose to get sick," Hakoda pointed out.

"I know, but…" Zuko shrugged, a tense, jerky movement. "I should have held out a little better. I should have pushed through the illness, and stayed farther from the rest of you last night. I must have woken someone with noise while I was asleep."

"No, Toph came to check on you before going to bed. She would have found you no matter how far you had gone. She stayed with you and alerted us when your fever got worse."

"Oh," Zuko said. "I...I didn't know she…"

Hakoda smiled. "She's very fond of you. So is my son."

Zuko's gaze darted away.

"My daughter...will come around," Hakoda acknowledged. "She's less trusting than she used to be. Aang is fond of you as well. He respects you deeply."

Now Zuko was flushing, color rushing into his cheeks which were otherwise pale from illness. "He's a weird kid," he muttered.

Hakoda laughed. To his delight, a tiny smile tilted up the corner of Zuko's lips, which was more of a sign of happiness than he had seen in the boy before. "He may be weird, but he's also wiser than any other twelve year old I've ever met. I think he's right to respect you."

Zuko ducked his head, turning redder. "I-I don't remember, was I...was I awake during the night? Did I, um...say anything?"

"You were partially conscious sometimes. For the most part you just told us that you were cold, which is common enough during a fever. Why?" asked Hakoda. He was, of course, lying a little. Zuko had said plenty of other things, most of which didn't make much sense but which worried him.

"Just...wondered if I said anything stupid."

"You asked us what was happening a few times. Again, not uncommon to be confused like that, and certainly not stupid." Hakoda put a reassuring hand on Zuko's shoulder, hoping he wouldn't pull away. He tensed, but he didn't recoil with fear. That was good. "Other than that, it was incoherent mumbling."

"Okay. Good." Zuko finished his tea and slipped away from Hakoda's hand as he stood up. "I'm going to go, um…" He fumbled for an excuse.

"You're going to go rest," Hakoda suggested. "You'll have much more strength tomorrow to teach Aang if you don't push yourself today."

"Right," said Zuko. He looked up at the sun. "My uncle would tell me to meditate. I might try it, I haven't for a few days."

"Good idea."  _ His uncle...General Iroh. The Dragon of the West. I wonder how he factors into all of this? _

"And thank you, si--Hakoda," Zuko added. "I…yeah. Just, thanks." He left without waiting for a response.

_ Well, even if he's wary of me, he's not entirely unwilling to talk to me, _ Hakoda reflected.  _ Maybe Sokka will have an easier time getting him to open up. I hope he remembers what I told him about talking to his friend once he recovers. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are doing well! I personally have had like eight breakdowns this week, but I'm still hanging in there lmao. Side note, have y'all read "The Afterward" by EK Johnston? It's like, high fantasy with a bunch of queer lady knights, it absolutely slaps. Take some time to breathe! <3 ~Martin


	5. In the Garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! Hope you're all doing well. Enjoy the chapter! <3

Ember Island was really, really pretty. Also, it had been a while since Aang had spent multiple consecutive nights sleeping indoors in an actual house, and adjusting to the difference was taking a while. He couldn't sleep tonight, so he went out to the beach and jumped to the top of a tree. A gentle ocean breeze danced around his head, and he blew back at it so it swirled upwards in circles, carrying the scent of salt with it. He leapt back to the ground and ran along the sand until he found another tree and launched up to the top of it as well.

Instead of playing with the wind up there, though, he caught sight of something he didn't expect. From the high vantage point, he saw a little clearing beside the house and a figure lying on the ground there, seemingly asleep. It was Zuko.

Aang hopped down and went over to the clearing, having to duck under some branches of an overgrown hedge archway.  _ This used to be a garden, _ he thought.  _ Now it's mostly weeds and dead plants and dirt. Doesn't seem like a comfortable place to sleep. _

And indeed, Zuko didn't look especially comfortable. He was actually moving in his sleep, turning his head and opening and closing his hand fitfully. 

_ This is as good a place as any to sit around and not be able to sleep, _ Aang thought.  _ And maybe he'll tell me why he doesn't sleep inside with us. That's weird. It's  _ his _ house, anyway. _ He sat cross-legged and closed his eyes, breathing slowly.  _ Might as well meditate. _

He hadn't been meditating very long when a cry of fear or pain pulled him back to the physical world. Zuko was panting. His face was contorted into a look of fear. Still asleep, he raised his hands as if to protect himself.

"No, please, don't!" he begged. "You don't have to--no!" And then he screamed again, the sound echoing out into the peaceful night. His eyes flew open. He sat up, tears flooding his eyes.

Aang kind of wished he hadn't stayed. Now he felt like he was invading Zuko's privacy.

That feeling doubled when Zuko saw him sitting there and a cry of shock and anger caught in his throat. "What--you--what are you  _ doing _ here?!" he demanded. "Get--go away!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep and I was just wandering around and I found you here and I thought I'd stay," Aang said quickly, backing away. "I'm sorry!"

Zuko's golden eyes burned with fury for another second before he slumped. "No. I shouldn't have shouted," he said. "Don't...you just...startled me. I wasn't...expecting to see you."

Tentatively, Aang sat back down. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Zuko didn't answer.

"I have them a lot," Aang said. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not  _ ashamed _ ," Zuko said through gritted teeth.

"Then why do you always sleep so far away from everyone? It's because you don't want us seeing that, isn't it?" he pried.

"It's just not anyone else's business."

"You're my teacher and you're my friend," Aang told him. "If you're having bad dreams, you should talk to me about them."

"No offense, Aang, but if I'm coming to a twelve-year-old to talk about my problems, then my problems are bigger than I thought," said Zuko bluntly. He sighed. "You're...I get it, you're nice and you like being emotional support. That's your whole thing. But you're not gonna...I'm not...just drop it, okay?"

Aang hesitated. "Can I stay out here with you anyway? I won't bother you."

"What? Why?"

"I told you, I couldn't sleep."

"And you want to stay with  _ me _ ?" Zuko said incredulously. "Why not go inside and sit with your friends? They're all sleeping in the downstairs sitting room."

"I know. I want to stay out here."

"Well…" He shrugged. "Sure, I guess. I don't care." He laid down on his side on the ground. "I'm going back to sleep, though."

Aang settled back into his meditation position. "That's okay. Sleep well."

"Sure," mumbled Zuko. “That’s likely.”

After a pause, Aang said, “Are you  _ sure _ you don’t want to talk about it?”

“I’m pretty sure, yeah.” Zuko closed his eyes.

"Wait," Aang said as he realized something.

"Ugh. What now?"

"You asked why I didn't just go inside and sit with my friends." Aang frowned.

Zuko opened one eye and squinted at him. "Huh?"

"You know  _ you're  _ my friend too, right? I did just say you're my teacher and my friend. You're my  _ friend _ ," Aang repeated. "You know that. Right?"

"Just go to sleep," Zuko said evasively.

Aang shook his head. "No! You're my friend."

"Aang." Zuko sighed and propped up his head on his hand. "Please let  _ me _ go to sleep at least, or I'll double the number of hot squats I'm going to make you do tomorrow."

Stubbornly, Aang didn't drop it. "Not until you acknowledge that you're my friend. C'mon, say it."

"I--" Sputtering for a second, Zuko managed to say, "Why do you even care, anyway? What difference is it if I'm your friend or just your teacher? Maybe I'm not a good person to have as a friend, did you ever consider that?"

"No," Aang said simply. "Even before you stopped chasing us, I thought we could be friends. Remember?"

"Yeah, but...that's just who  _ you _ are. You think everyone has a good side."

Aang grinned. "Well, I was right with you, wasn't I?" He felt very satisfied when a small, grudging smile tilted up the corner of Zuko's lips. "And I still think you're a good person to have as a friend. I think that more and more as I get to know you better."

"I'm sorry to have misled you," muttered Zuko.

Concerned, Aang scooted closer to him. "What do you mean?"

"My…'friends'," Zuko said, saying the word like it felt foreign on his tongue, "or anyone I'm close to, really...they tend to end up getting hurt because of me. I know you guys all have the whole bonding thing going on, and that's great, but you should probably leave me out of it."

Something about that made Aang's heart hurt. "But we don't want to leave you out of it," he said. "We  _ want _ you to be our friend."

Zuko looked at him, uncomprehending.

"We do!" Aang insisted. "We all really like you, Zuko, not just for what you bring as a firebending teacher, but because we like  _ you _ ."

"Then you're all either really stupid or have terrible judgement," Zuko said, and that was  _ it _ .

"Hey!" Aang yelped. "Now you're just  _ insulting _ us! That's not fair, and it's mean. Is it that hard to believe that we just think you're fun to be around? That we like talking to you?"

"It's pretty hard to believe, yeah," Zuko shot back. There was something weird in his expression, like he didn't want to continue talking but couldn't help it. "I mean, you just said it yourself. I'm mean. Why would anyone want to be friends with me?"

"Do...you actually believe that?"

Zuko said nothing. A little flash of panic darted through his eyes.

"It's not true," Aang said, more gently. "And, just so you know, you're not gonna convince me not to think of you as my friend by losing your temper. I know it’s just because you don't like yourself very much and don't understand how anyone else could, either. I do like you, and you are my friend. Even if you can't believe it right now." He leaned forward and patted Zuko's shoulder before moving away again and sitting cross-legged with his face towards the moon. "Well, anyway, goodnight," he said.

"...goodnight," replied Zuko, clearly having no idea what else to say. He rolled over so he was facing away from Aang.

Whether he slept or just laid quietly awake for the rest of the night, Aang wasn't entirely sure--but he didn't have another nightmare, so Aang chose to believe that Zuko somehow felt better after their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Aang, what a good kid.  
> Wow, life continues to be extremely weird and stressful! Love that! We just have to keep going and breathing, I suppose. We'll be alright in the end. <3 ~Martin


	6. What's your favorite color?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Sokka tries his best.

Though it was a cooler day than it had been all week, it was clear that the summer heat was making Sokka fairly miserable. He and Katara were used to cold weather, so Zuko wasn't surprised that they were suffering in the heat of the Fire Nation. Katara had it easier--with her waterbending, she would freeze bits of ice to suck on or just place on her skin to cool herself down. But Sokka was defenseless. He also didn't seem to know his limits, which was why Zuko had made the executive decision to stop sparring with him today and force him to sit down and drink some water before he passed out.

"You can teach Aang how to play with fire while it's really hot in the afternoon, and then we can spar again early tomorrow morning before it gets hot again," Sokka conceded. They were sitting in the shade of a tree, where it was much cooler than in the sun. "Shouldn't you be with Aang now, anyway? Why are you agreeing to spend so much time sparring with me?"

"Toph gets angry if I keep him from training with her every few days," Zuko replied.

"Makes sense."

"Besides, it's good for both of us to keep our skills sharp," he added.

Sokka laughed. "Haha! Sharp. Like swords. Good one."

Zuko didn't dignify that remark with a response.

"Anyway, I'm glad we're spending time together," continued Sokka. "I feel like I barely know you."

Warily, Zuko glanced over at him. "So?"

" _ So _ , it's weird that I spent months fighting and being chased by you, and now we're on the same side and we're friends, but I don't actually know much about you."

Feeling like he might regret this, Zuko asked, "What do you want to know?"

"I was just thinking earlier, I'm probably one of the only people in the Fire Nation right now who doesn't know what your mother's name is," Sokka said.

_ Yep, I regret this. _ "Ursa," Zuko said shortly.

"What happened to her?"

_ Oh, I definitely regret this. _ "Why do you care?"

"Just curious."

"She disappeared years ago." He decided not to add that she may have killed his grandfather to save his life and to secure Ozai the throne before disappearing. Sokka had called them friends, but even if Zuko believed that, they definitely weren't there yet.

"I'm sorry."

Again, Zuko declined to answer. He just shrugged.

"Can I ask more questions?"

"As long as you don't expect me to answer," Zuko said.

"What's your favorite color?" asked Sokka.

Zuko didn't know what he had expected, but it definitely wasn't that. He allowed himself a tiny smile. "You know, I don't think I have ever been asked that before."  _ Do I even have a favorite color? _ "Um. Brown, I guess. Light brown."  _ Like the tea Uncle makes. And the turtleducks' feathers. And Mom's eyes. _

"Light brown is nice. I like purple. There's a purple that only happens in the South Pole right after sunset, when it's still sort of light out, when the nights are only a few hours long. If you look straight down into the ocean, you can see purple." Sokka sighed. "Here's another question. Do you ever get homesick?"

Suddenly, there was a painful lump in Zuko's throat. "What?" he asked, pretending not to understand but really just wanting time to compose himself. "I'm literally sitting outside my childhood vacation house."

"Yeah, but you're not  _ home _ . You grew up in Caldera City, probably in a palace. With your family." Sokka waited for a minute, then added, "I'm homesick a lot these days. I miss the ice. I miss my grandmother. And I really miss my dad right now."

Fighting against the instinct to  _ get away, get away from this whole conversation right now _ , Zuko said, "It's...good that you have a home to return to."

"And you don't," Sokka connected. "Of course not. We're out here literally planning to take down your dad and your sister. That must be really hard."

"I don't miss them," Zuko said vehemently. "And I  _ won't _ miss them. The world will be better off without them."

"Was it always like that?" wondered Sokka.

"What--huh?"

"Did you always feel that way? Did you never miss them?"

The lump in his throat hurt so badly now that he could barely speak. "Of course I did," he muttered. "Well. Not Azula, so much." Even that was a lie. More than anything, he missed what he and Azula  _ could _ have been, could have had together. Being around Sokka and Katara, siblings who clearly loved and supported each other despite their differences, had been quite a wake-up call.

"And your dad?" Sokka prompted.

Zuko turned to him with a glare that he hoped wasn't too obviously blurred with tears. "It doesn't matter what I felt in the past. I was stupid, and ignorant, and naive. I don't miss him now, and I have no reservations about defeating him, if that's what you're implying."

Sokka held his hands up quickly, and Zuko tried not to flinch. "Hey, no, that wasn't what I was trying to imply at all! I know you don't. I was just…"

"Curious?" Zuko said. Sokka nodded. "More like nosy. My  _ feelings _ \--" and he forced that word out with disdain, "--aren't important. I don't get why you keep trying to get me to talk about them. My father is a terrible person who has done terrible things. He doesn't care about me and I don't care about him. He has hurt thousands of people, he's hurt m--" He broke off. "So can you please. Just. Drop it?"

Then Sokka's hand was on his arm. "Okay," he stated. "I'm sorry I was nosy."

"Just...don't do it again." Zuko looked down at where Sokka's palm was resting just above his elbow. He didn't tell him to stop touching him, though for a moment he thought he probably should. There was something about the idea of receiving physical reassurance that went against his entire upbringing, something about showing weakness and not being entirely self-reliant, but at that moment he didn't care. The touch felt like an apology and a promise. Sokka wasn't going to ask any more painful questions, and he understood that the questions had been painful. In acknowledgment, Zuko leaned into his hand just slightly. Sokka squeezed his arm gently and rubbed his thumb back and forth a few times.

It was strange. This language of small gestures and subtle touch was completely foreign to Zuko, and yet it felt like a language he had spoken fluently his whole life. He could get used to communicating like this. Maybe. If the world didn't shatter completely while they tried to fix what was already broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter was shorter than I remembered it being lmao. Hope you enjoyed! Take some time to take care of yourself. I love you! <3 ~Martin


	7. Staying Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter in which things...how do I put it? Pop off, I think. Enjoy! <3

Though they had hoped that this little village way off the beaten track wouldn't have received the wanted posters for Aang and Zuko, that proved to be wishful thinking as soon as they entered the town. Katara spotted them first. Two women were actually pinning the posters up on the fence surrounding the village as they approached. Their backs were turned. Zuko and Aang ducked behind some rocks. Toph, Sokka, and Katara were about to move closer anyway when one of the women spoke.

"I just think it's so strange that the Prince could betray us all like this. I saw him at a festival once, years and years ago, and he seemed like a very polite boy. He smiled at my daughter."

The other woman scoffed. "Are you kidding? I'm not surprised at all. The Fire Lord has always known something was wrong with that child. I was glad when he sent him packing for being disrespectful. Only thing I can't believe is that it took him thirteen years to do it! The prince had always been a little brat, if you ask me. The Fire Lord should have burned the rest of him along with his face that day, gotten rid of the problem once and for all."

Katara froze. Beside her, she could feel Sokka stop in his tracks. Toph bristled, her hands going up as if she was about to strike the woman with flying rocks. Fortunately, Katara reacted just quickly enough to reach over and touch Toph's shoulder, silently begging her to keep calm and not attack. Then she turned back to Aang and Zuko, wanting to know if they had also heard.

It was obvious that they had. Zuko's face had completely drained of color, and he looked like he was about to pass out. Then, his expression contorted into a mixture of terror and outrage and  _ hurt _ , and he turned and fled through the forest. Everyone else was too shocked to run after him.

Sokka grabbed Katara's hand. He was shaking, something like fury in his eyes. She tilted her head quickly, gesturing that they should regroup further from the village where they wouldn't risk being seen. They got just out of earshot before Toph broke the silence and said, "Guys? I  _ hate _ the Fire Lord."

"I-I…" Aang's voice wobbled as he nodded. "That was...did any of you...did you know?"

"No!" Sokka said in a high voice. "Of course I didn't--how could I--"

Katara could recognize the way his voice got when he wasn't telling the whole truth. "Sokka?"

He caved. "Okay, so I didn't know that his father did  _ that _ ," he said, putting his hand up over his eye as if it wasn't obvious what he was talking about. "But Katara...did you notice how he acted around Dad?"

"No?" Honestly, Katara hadn't been paying the closest attention at that point.

"He was scared of Dad. Or maybe just nervous around him, like he thought Dad was going to hurt him...or  _ us _ . And Dad said that he had a feeling that he hadn't had great experiences with fathers, or something like that, and later, when I tried to ask Zuko about it, he got all...defensive and wouldn't talk about it but he did start to say that his father had hurt him, but I didn't think…" Again, Sokka touched his eye. He no longer looked furious. Now he just seemed devastated.

"I'm gonna smash Ozai into little fiery pieces of jelly," Toph said fiercely. "I'm gonna shoot rocks through his stupid evil face and then I'm gonna wrap him in metal and throw him into the ocean to drown."

"How could someone do that? To their own kid?" Sokka's voice broke. "I don't understand."

Katara wrapped her brother in a tight hug. She felt him shake, and held him tighter. "He's horrible," she murmured. "He's just evil." She felt like echoing all of Toph's sentiments with her own colorful threats, but she knew that it wouldn't help and it might upset Sokka further.

"Guys, we need to find Zuko," Aang said. "He must be feeling so awful right now. He didn't want us to know, obviously, and us finding out like that…"

"Toph, do you know where he went?" asked Katara.

"That way," she said immediately, pointing. "He's still running."

"We'll just have to run after him," Sokka said. He pulled free of Katara, wiped his eyes, and started running. The other three followed.

"He stopped running," Toph said after a minute. "We'll catch up to him soon." They slowed down. Soon, Toph held up her hand and stopped. She pointed to a stand of trees about thirty feet away.

Now, as Katara took a few cautious steps forward, she could hear quiet, devastated sobs. Her stomach twisted. Those sounds didn't seem like they could possibly be coming from Zuko.

It was clear that Sokka heard it, too, because he started running again. Katara was only a few steps behind him, and she saw her brother reach Zuko, who was kneeling on the ground with his head in his hands, sobbing and rocking like a lost child.

"It's okay, it's okay," Sokka was saying, having dropped down next to him. "Shhh, please don't be upset, it's okay."

"I didn't," Zuko managed, "please, go--don't, I don't want--please--leave me alone, I don't want--"

"We aren't going anywhere," Toph said matter-of-factly. She knelt down in front of him.

Aang joined them. "Nothing about this situation is fair, or okay," he added softly. "It's not fair that that happened to you, and it's not fair that you didn't get to choose when--or if--to let us know."

That made the sobs wracking Zuko's body even harsher. Sokka shot Aang an indignant look and put his arms around Zuko. "You're making it worse," he said.

Katara expected Zuko to pull away from Sokka's embrace, but he didn't. Instead, he actually leaned into it and reached up to cling to Sokka's shirt. It seemed like he was desperately trying to swallow his tears. When he was unsuccessful, he just became more upset.

"Why--why aren't you--leaving?" he choked out. "I'm being--pathetic."

"You think you're pathetic? You survived your dad burning half your face off," Toph said, probably a little too bluntly. "That's the strongest, least pathetic thing I've ever known anybody to do. Ever."

"But, but I…" Zuko was struggling for the air he needed to speak. "I'm c-crying, and…?"

"Crying isn't a show of weakness, but of strength," Aang told him, putting a hand on his knee. "It means you've gone through horrible things and are still strong enough to feel. It takes more strength to be vulnerable than it does to be closed off and emotionless."

"You s-sound like my uncle," Zuko said, and then he was crying too hard to say anything else.

Sokka made a soft shushing sound and guided Zuko's head down to rest on his shoulder. "Come on, guys, I can't be the only hugger right now, this calls for way more than that," he said helplessly.

Toph slid forward and put her arms around Zuko's waist. Her head only came up to his chest, but she made it work. Aang sort of pressed up behind Zuko. There wasn't exactly room for Katara to hug him too, but she found his hand. It surprised her, how tightly he squeezed. "We're here," Katara said. "Like Toph said, we're not going anywhere."

Zuko coughed, his sobs catching in his throat. "I don't understand."

"I know," Sokka murmured. "That's fine for now. It's okay.”

“But--”

“Maybe stop arguing with us and just let us hug you,” Toph advised. “You need a hug.”

“I don’t need anything,” Zuko said, but he was contradicting himself as he spoke, hiding his face in Sokka’s shirt and taking shuddery breaths. As soon as he gave in and accepted the comfort that they were offering him, it didn't take long for him to stop crying. Soon, he tried to sit up and push them away. Sokka held him tighter and refused to let him go.

"Nuh-uh, you're staying right here," he said. After a moment, Zuko gave up and went limp. "There you go, isn't that better?"

"I don't know," Zuko said. It sounded like he was being honest. "I don't know why I...reacted like that. I didn't mean to make a scene."

"We realized," said Katara. "It was pretty obvious because of how you ran away from us that you didn't want us to follow you."

"Why did you?" Zuko asked.

"Because you  _ needed _ us to follow you," Toph said.

"Since we're here," Aang offered, "do you want to talk? Tell us about it?"

Katara felt his hand shake and squeezed it reassuringly. "You don't have to," she said.

"It doesn't matter anyway, you already know what happened," muttered Zuko.

Aang paused. "Well, no. We overheard one person's opinion about what happened, and she probably doesn't have all the information. I'd rather hear the story from you--but only if you want to share it with us. I know it's not fair to have something personal revealed about you without your permission. It's really hard, and if you would rather wait, it's okay. Like Katara said, you don't have to."

"...I'd rather wait," Zuko admitted. "If only...if only until I…"  _ Until I can compose myself _ , was probably something along the lines of what he was trying to say.

"No worries. Let's go back to Ember Island. Our supplies trip can wait until tomorrow, and we'll be more careful about it." Aang stood up. "Whenever we're ready, we'll go back to Appa."

Zuko began to stand up. Katara released his hand to let him. Sokka and Toph hesitated a few more seconds, but they let go of him as well. He was visibly trembling. He ran his hands through his hair. His good eye was puffy and red from crying, and his scar looked a little inflamed. Katara tried not to stare. She hadn't until that moment noticed how much the scar looked like the imprint of a hand. She felt sick to her stomach as she imagined the Fire Lord putting his flaming hand to a thirteen-year-old Zuko's face.  _ Thirteen _ . That was barely older than Aang and Toph were now. Katara looked away before Zuko could catch her staring.

"Let's go," Zuko said. He set off determinedly through the trees, though his gait was unsteady.

Katara shot Sokka a meaningful glance and tipped her head towards Zuko, communicating  _ stay close to him and make sure he doesn't fall over _ . Sokka got it, and sped after his friend until they were walking shoulder to shoulder. Toph bumped her hip against Katara's as they walked, and Aang looped his arm through hers. All of them had been shaken by this, and they needed to stay close to each other to get through it.

*****

Sitting in Appa's saddle on the way back to Ember Island, Sokka stayed close to Zuko, who still wasn't saying much. His eyes were closing like he was starting to fall asleep.

"Tired?" Sokka asked softly.

"I'm fine."

"Me, too." He slid a little closer and put his arm around Zuko's shoulders. 

Now that he wasn't uncontrollably crying, Zuko seemed a little more reluctant to let himself be held. "I told you, I'm fine. You don't need to...to treat me like I'm fragile," he said, stiffening.

"I don't think you're fragile, I think you're tired," Sokka insisted. "C'mon, just accept the hug. You can close your eyes for a few minutes."

Zuko was too tired to protest more. He slowly put his head down. His carefully regulated breathing slowed. After a few minutes, Sokka could tell that he had fallen asleep. Gently, he lowered Zuko down so he was lying partially in his lap. He stroked Zuko's hair, feeling a little bolder than he ever had in showing affection to his friend before. His hair was much softer than Sokka had expected.

Zuko stayed asleep as Appa landed in the hidden corner of the island near the vacation house. He didn't even stir.

"I'm just gonna stay up here for a while," Sokka whispered.

Aang gave him a thumbs-up as he hopped off of Appa.

"Do you want us to stay?" Katara asked.

Sokka shook his head. "Nah, I'm just gonna...let him sleep. He probably needs it."

"Yeah, probably," Toph agreed. "He doesn't sleep much. Or well."

"Should we tell Suki why we're back early?" said Katara.

"Um…" Sokka hadn't thought about that. "Yeah, probably. But maybe not...everything. But don't lie, just...tell her it's not our business to tell her."

"Will do. She'll understand." Katara smiled reassuringly and walked off.

With a sigh, Sokka settled back against the edge of Appa's saddle. It was hot, especially with Zuko's frankly ridiculous warmth touching him, but luckily Appa had flopped down in the shade so it was bearable. 

It was nearly two hours later when Zuko gasped in his sleep. His body became tense. He whimpered with fear, which was an awful sound.

"It's okay, you're safe," Sokka promised. He ran his fingers through Zuko's hair. "You're just having a bad dream."

Still asleep, Zuko reached up and grabbed at his wrist. Sokka let him. He wasn't sure if Zuko was seeking reassurance or was afraid of having a hand so close to his face, but either way, it was probably better not to pull away. He calmed down and his grip loosened after a moment.

"Wake up, buddy, time to wake up. Nap time is over." Gently, Sokka shook his shoulder before the bad dream could get worse. "Wakey-wakey." 

"Ugh," groaned Zuko. He opened his eyes and sat up, looking disoriented. He rubbed his bleary eyes and winced. "Why was I in your lap?"

"You fell asleep on the way back to the island and, well, we just didn't have the heart to wake you, you looked so sweet and peaceful," Sokka said, teasing a little.

"Ha, ha," Zuko said dryly. Then, as if he just remembered what had happened earlier, he froze. "Oh. I'm going to…go now." He quickly climbed off of Appa and barely paused to give him a pat before disappearing off into the brush of the island.

Momo sprang up onto Appa's saddle and situated himself on Sokka's shoulder with a trill.

"I don't know, Momo," said Sokka thoughtfully. "I think we just have to wait for him to decide to open up to us. What do you think?"

The lemur paused as if he was seriously considering the problem. Then he jumped down into Sokka's lap, grabbed a dried berry from his pocket, and darted off, chattering.

"Hey, that was my snack!" Sokka yelped. "Rude! You ask an honest question, and what does it get you? It gets your food stolen, that's what. This is why I don't ask other people's opinions," he continued to grumble as he climbed down off Appa, who licked him affectionately. 

"Because they'll steal your snacks?"

"Suki!" Sokka was glad to see her, though it had only been that morning since he had last talked to her.

"Katara told me what happened," Suki said. "Or, rather, she told me that she couldn't tell me happened. Well, she told me that you guys overheard something in the town that upset Zuko but that she didn't think it would be okay for her to tell me what that something was. Is he doing okay?"

Sokka's good mood was quickly dampened. "I don't know that he is," he said seriously, and he took Suki's hand. "But we'll make sure he gets there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Anyone else currently oscillating very unpredictably from utter despair and frustration to like, radical hope and enjoyment of being alive? 'Cause that's what I've been chilling with recently, it's awesome. /s
> 
> Love y'all! Stay on the hopeful side of life! Remember that your own joy is something worth producing. (Paraphrasing a quote from my favorite author there...my book arrives tomorrow, it's been out for a week already but my pre-order was wonky lmao excuse me shouting abt that for a second) <3 ~Martin


	8. Breaking the Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo this chapter is coming late in the day because I've been Reading a Good Book and now I'm watching the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, so all in all, it has been a good day! I hope I can make y'alls' days good with this new chapter! Enjoy! <3

There was a heavy silence as the six of them sat around the campfire that night. The silence had lasted all throughout dinner, and Zuko knew it was because of the elephant-koi in the room. It wasn't any of their faults that they now knew the truth about the worst day of his life, but they  _ did _ , and it was weird. He didn't want to talk about it, especially since he was pretty sure they hadn't told Suki exactly what had happened, but he also knew that the silence wouldn't be truly broken until he spoke.

The deep oranges and reds of the campfire captivated him as he avoided talking. He stared into the flames. His breathing began to fall into a meditative pattern. The flames rose slightly as he inhaled, and shrank back down as he exhaled, over and over. It made him calm enough that he could begin to speak.

"That woman we overheard, she said that my father should have burned the rest of me along with my face and gotten rid of the problem for good," he stated. He saw Suki look up with shock and the rest of his companions wince. "Well, I think the only reason he didn't is because of how many people were watching. And because I wasn't fighting back, he wouldn't have gotten away with it unquestioned."

"Zuko…" Sokka said softly.

He held up his hand. He couldn't listen to anything they had to say yet. "I was thirteen, and I wanted to be allowed to sit in on a war meeting. My uncle let me, making me promise to be quiet. I broke that promise. My father and a general were planning to send barely-trained young recruits in as a decoy force, planning for them all to get slaughtered to gain a slight advantage. I didn't think they should sacrifice so many lives. So I said so."

The silence in the camp was now deafening. It was broken by Aang letting out a little gasping whimper.

"For my disrespect, I had to participate in an Agni Kai, a firebender duel that ends when one participant gets burned. I thought I would be fighting the general, since it was his plan I disrespected. I was wrong. It was my father's war room, and I had disrespected  _ him _ ." At this point in the story, Zuko was starting to feel a disconnect between himself now and himself then, needing the distance to be able to keep talking. He needed to be numb so he could tell the story in its entirety. "I refused to fight him. I kneeled, and I apologized, and I begged for forgiveness which he wouldn't grant. I had to be taught a lesson, especially since I was being cowardly and wouldn't fight. I was losing what little of my honor remained."

One of Toph's hands was in such a tight fist that her knuckles turned white. The ground beneath her trembled slightly. Her other hand was over her mouth.

_ You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher _ , he heard in his mind as loudly and clearly as the day his father had said it. He couldn't bring himself to repeat it.

"So he struck at my face with a handful of fire. And he kept it there." The disconnect was gone now. He  _ was  _ that child again, screaming, sobbing, held upright by his chin in his father's grasp, his face and hair burning, burning until horrifyingly it didn't even  _ hurt _ much anymore because it was just too damaged, and everything had gone dark. The heat from the campfire was suddenly too much. He snuffed it out with a flick of his hand. Now the only light was from the moon and the stars. "When I woke up," he continued, "I was told I was banished. I could regain my honor, they told me, and return home, if I could find the Avatar and capture him."

"But Aang wasn't even out of the iceberg yet three years ago?" Katara pointed out. Her voice seemed oddly strained.

"I know. I wasn't expected to succeed. It was a fool's errand, but it was all I had. And I'm sorry," he said, and he couldn't stop his voice from shaking. "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to understand that at the time, and I'm sorry I caused all of you so much pain, and I know I've said it before but it's never going to be enough, it's never going to make it better, and I'm  _ so sorry _ \--"

From across the smoldering remains of the campfire, Aang launched himself at Zuko. For a split second, Zuko wondered if Aang was going to attack him. But then the twelve-year-old's arms were around his neck. Aang was crying. Zuko's first instinct was to hug him back, cupping his hand around the back of Aang's head and resting his other hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, don't cry," he said weakly. "Why--why are you crying?"

"Because that's seriously messed up," Sokka answered for Aang. He sounded choked up, too. Zuko looked up with surprise, relighting the campfire after making sure Aang wasn't touching it, and saw a few tears on Sokka's cheeks. Katara was crying into her hand, her arm around Toph, who was sobbing quietly. Suki just looked stunned, but a single tear had fallen down her face as well.

"Oh," Zuko said. He didn't know what to do. Aang clung to him like a lifeline, shaking with sobs. "I'm sorry."

" _ You're  _ sorry?!" Toph said with disbelief. "What are  _ you _ sorry for?"

"Everything?"

"Well, stop it!" She wiped her face roughly and clambered over Katara to reach him. Now Zuko had two crying twelve-year-olds hugging him, which was strange. For some reason, it made him want to cry, too.

"It was messed up, wasn't it?" Zuko asked. He hadn't fully understood how true that was until now, seeing their reactions. "And...and I really think he would have killed me if there wasn't an audience. He shot lightning at me before I left to come join you guys, he...he would have killed me then if I hadn't redirected the lightning." He started to tremble.

Toph made a little pained sound and squeezed her arms around his waist tighter. "Your dad makes my dad seem like a great guy," she managed through her tears.

Aang's grip around his neck was making it a little hard to breathe. Zuko made eye contact with Katara, silently asking for help. He could feel his own emotions threatening to overcome him. He couldn't try to comfort the kids while he felt ready to break down himself.

"Here, you two, give him a little space," Katara murmured. She pulled Aang away easily, letting him cling to her instead. But Toph held on like a limpet-clam to the side of a ship.

"Toph, let him breathe," Sokka said.

Toph shook her head stubbornly. "He needs us more than he needs to breathe," she insisted.

Zuko felt a sob well up in his throat. He couldn't believe he was crying for the second time that day. Unable to stop himself, he broke down in tears. His whole body shuddered. Toph nestled closer to him and gently bumped the top of her head underneath his chin. He buried his face in her hair. A few moments later, he felt warm hands on his shoulders as Sokka and Suki slid close to him and pressed against his sides.

For the first time since he had betrayed Iroh, Zuko felt like he had something he could call a family. Though it did feel weird to cry in front of them, he let himself anyway. And then it stopped feeling like something to be ashamed of. He actually felt  _ better _ . In that moment, he saw himself like he now knew Iroh saw him, how his friends, his new family, must see him. He had been hurt so badly, but he still found his way to doing the right thing eventually. He had been just a  _ kid _ , brainwashed as much as any other child in the Fire Nation (and he already knew that, but it felt good to have other people know and understand it too), and it was only because of his exile that he had seen everything he had needed to see in order to realize that what his father was doing was wrong.

That gave him some satisfaction, in a way. Ozai's decision to exile him had actually given him the opportunity he had needed to learn and grow and become the person he was supposed to be. Here he was, helping the Avatar and trying to restore peace to the world. And the same circumstances that had led to his banishment, his misery, the scar on his face, and all of the pain it still caused had also brought him to this moment. Maybe, then, he could start thinking of the scar as a sign of his choice to do the right thing instead of a constant reminder of his father's evil.

He couldn't pinpoint when exactly he stopped crying, but he finally did, and his heart felt lighter. Then he realized with a start that Toph had fallen asleep on him. As he looked up, he saw that Aang was also asleep. Katara, holding him, wasn't far behind. It had gotten very late. They must have been sitting here for a long time.

Suki yawned, covering her mouth to stifle the sound. "I'll carry Toph inside," she whispered, and scooped the young earthbender up carefully. Zuko helped, detaching Toph's fingers from his shirt. "Katara, are you bringing Aang?"

"Too sleepy," Katara mumbled, so Sokka picked Aang up and followed Suki inside. "Zuko?"

"Yeah?" he said.

"You should come and sleep inside with us," she said simply.

Zuko wasn't sure how much thought they had all given to the fact that he had been sleeping in the garden since they had arrived. Only Aang had ever seen him out there, to his knowledge. "Um, yeah, maybe."

"You should," she insisted.

"I'll think about it."

She accepted that. Sokka came back out and took his sister's hands, pulling her to her feet.

"C'mon, it's past your bedtime," he teased.

"As if  _ you're _ the responsible, more adult sibling," she muttered, but she went with him, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

Now alone with the fire, Zuko took a few deep breaths and saw the flames rise and fall again. It felt good, being able to firebend no matter what his emotions were like. He didn't have to rely on rage anymore. He liked feeling calm and loved more than he liked feeling angry and alone, anyway.

He had expected everyone to stay inside now, but Sokka returned again. Instead of helping him up or urging him to join them inside, he just sat down, and together they watched the campfire slowly dim. It was nearly burnt out when he said, "I'm glad you told us."

Zuko shrugged. "I didn't really have a choice."

"I hope you know that isn't true. We didn't want it to feel like you  _ had _ to tell us anything just because we overheard something we shouldn't have," stated Sokka.

"Yeah, I...I know. I guess it just made it clear that I should have told you already, is what I was trying to say. I'm glad I told you, too," Zuko replied. He hadn't thought he would be beforehand, but he was.

Sokka nudged him. "Good. And I want you to know, I'm sorry your family sucks so much."

"Not all of them. My uncle is a good person, a better father to me than Ozai ever was. My mother…"  _ Better not get into that right now. _ "And I think, if I'm not mistaken, I have a new family now," he dared to add.

"Oh?" Sokka said blankly. Then, "Oh! Us? Yeah, you do! We're always gonna be here for you, brother. Brother? That feels weird. Let's stick with Zuko."

Zuko managed a soft laugh.

Sokka draped an arm around his shoulders. "Anyway, I think Katara was right. Wanna come sleep inside?"

Honestly, the nightmares weren't the only reason why Zuko hadn't been sleeping in the house. There were plenty of rooms far away from the ground floor sitting room where nobody would have been able to hear him. It was just...weird, to be here again after so long and in such different circumstances. "I'm not sure," he admitted.

"Okay, well, give it a try? Just for tonight?"

"I guess I can do that." Zuko extinguished the last few glowing coals of the campfire and got up.

Sokka walked in with him, lingering by the door as if he was waiting just in case Zuko decided to bolt. Zuko was kind of grateful that he was--he did consider it as he was setting up a bed roll against the wall, a short ways away from where Aang, Katara, and Toph were curled up together asleep. Suki sat up, shielding a candle with her hand so the light wouldn't shine directly onto the sleeping kids' faces.

"Glad you're joining the slumber party," she whispered.

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Is that what this is?" he replied in the same hushed tone.

She smiled. "Sometimes it feels like it, doesn't it?"

"I wouldn't really know." It felt different than when he had stayed that week with Azula and Mai and Ty Lee. Had  _ that _ been a 'slumber party'? "Hey, if I start talking in my sleep, or...or making sounds, just kick me, okay?"

"Why?" Sokka asked.

"I just...sometimes have nightmares. And I don't want to wake the kids," he explained.

Sokka tilted his head. "I get that. But literally every single one of us gets nightmares. You're more likely to get woken up by Aang screaming in the night than anything else, but we  _ all _ get them."

Zuko bit back a confused "Really?". Of course, it made sense. He hadn't considered that everyone else could be tormented with bad dreams like he was, but in their situation, it would have been stranger if they weren't.

"By now we're all good at handling them," Suki added quietly. "Don't worry. Nobody will be angry if you wake them up."

"And maybe having us all close by will help," said Sokka.

"Maybe." He hadn't considered that, either. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

"Goodnight," Suki said. She blew out the candle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all are having a good day, i believe in yooouuuuuuu!!!!! much love! <3 ~Martin


	9. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all happy tuesday <3

The fighting seemed to have stopped, and Azula had been taken away by some soldiers Zuko had called over, and some weird lights in the sky had been seen a ways off which probably had something to do with Aang, but he wasn't back yet. Nobody was. Katara couldn't think about anything right now besides that--she didn't know if Aang was alright, nobody knew the outcome of the final battle between him and Ozai, and she didn't know if her brother was safe, or her father, or Toph, or Suki, or anyone else that she cared about.

_ Except Zuko is here _ , she thought as his knees buckled. She caught him carefully and brought his arm up over her shoulders.  _ At least I can protect him _ . "Come on, you need to go lay down," she said. "Where can we go that's safe? I need to be able to barricade the door."

"What?"

"You shouldn't even be  _ conscious _ , Zuko, Aang was in a coma for ages after he got hit with lightning. You  _ need _ to lay down, and we need to be somewhere safe where I can heal you without worrying that someone is going to break in and try to kill you," Katara insisted. She looked around the courtyard. There were a few people here and there, all giving them a wide berth. They seemed unsure what to do or think about seeing the formerly exiled Crown Prince standing injured in front of them. Katara couldn't trust that none of them weren't loyal to Ozai, wouldn't try to kill them at any second. Her hand hovered over her bottle of bending water. "Zuko? Point me in the right direction."

"Um…" Zuko sounded out-of-it, strained. "Uh, there's some rooms that way we can lock and...and barricade if we have to." He pointed and groaned in pain as he stretched the injury on his torso. He could barely hold himself upright as they started to walk. His feet dragged, exhaustion and pain evident in every step.

"Just hold on, everything is going to be alright," Katara said calmly.

In the hallway of the palace, a man rushed up to them and reached out. Instinctively, Katara formed her water into an ice dagger and pressed it up to his throat, backing him against a wall.

"Don't you  _ dare _ touch him," she said fiercely, keeping herself between the man and Zuko.

"I-I'm one of the royal physicians, I can help--" the man tried to explain.

But Katara knew that right now, she couldn't trust anybody. She pushed the ice dagger harder against his skin, not quite piercing him. "Stay away from us," she said. "And you can tell everyone, if anyone even tries to lay a hand on Zuko, I won't be as gentle with sharp things as I'm being now."

The man gulped and nodded. As soon as Katara pulled the blade away a few inches, he ran off.

"Why'd you do that?" Zuko asked.

"Anyone here could be loyal to your father," she said. "Anyone could try to win our trust only to kill us when our guard is down. Until my dad and Sokka and Aang and everyone is here, I'm not taking any chances."

Zuko nodded. He tried to take a step, but stumbled and nearly fell. His breathing was shallow.

"Come on," Katara said, more softly. "I've got you. Where to now?"

Though he was by now barely conscious, Zuko managed to locate a bedchamber with a locking door. "Minor guest quarters," he said. "Small and...and safe."

Katara helped him over to the wide bed, where he collapsed. Then she rushed back to the door, closed it, locked it, and created a barrier of ice which would buy them time if anyone tried to kick the door down.

Eyes closed, Zuko tossed his scorched and torn shirt onto the floor. The star shaped burn mark from the lightning was bright and prominent on his skin.

"Does it hurt?" Katara asked, already knowing the answer, as she prepared some water to press to the mark in an attempt to heal it more.

"So much," confirmed Zuko. He flinched as the water touched him, but relaxed as it began to glow. Some of the tension left his shoulders and the agony on his face eased up. "That's a little better."

Katara's hands were shaking. She kept healing for as long as she could, but her concentration broke and she had to stop. She sat down on the edge of the bed. Adrenaline from the fight and trying to find a safe place to rest was finally wearing off. "Just rest," she murmured.

"What about you?"

"I have to be ready in case anyone tries to break in. You shouldn't even be conscious," she repeated.

"I redirected a lot of it, I just hadn't prepared enough to get all of it out." Zuko winced, putting his hand to his stomach and bending over slightly. "Ah…"

Katara took his free hand. "Lay back," she told him.

He didn't argue. Holding tightly to her hand, he said, "It's going to scar, isn't it?"

"Yes," Katara admitted.

"Like Aang's did."

She nodded.

He shrugged painfully. "Oh well." A cough escaped him, followed by a whimper. "At least…this one I can cover up with a shirt..."

Katara tried to smile. "Just rest, Zuko. Sleep if you can."

Zuko was fading, slipping out of consciousness. "No...how can I...how can I sleep? We don't even know...who's okay…"

"Shhh," said Katara. She smoothed his hair back, wanting so badly to despair with him and be afraid. She wanted to wail and cry and hide until she knew that her family was safe. But she could hold herself together while someone else needed reassurance. She had been doing that all her life. "Shhh, it'll be alright. Just rest, it's alright."

He made no answer.

A sob bubbled up in her chest, but she forced it away. Until she knew for sure that they were safe, she couldn't take the time to cry. She held Zuko's hand and stroked his hair for a few minutes until he was definitely completely asleep, then stood up and faced the door, hands at the ready. She would be prepared if anyone came. She wouldn't let anyone hurt him.

She didn't know how long she stood there, but after what seemed like forever, the door handle rattled. Her hands balled into fists. A few ice shards flew up so she could launch them if she had to.

"They're definitely in there," said a voice, muffled through the thick metal door and the sheet of ice.

"Probably wedged it closed to be safe," said another.

"Well, I can fix that," the first voice said, and with a great wrenching noise, the door folded in half.

Katara melted the ice barrier in a single splash as she realized who had to be there. Only one person could bend metal. "Toph!" she cried, and she caught a glimpse of the young girl, grinning.

As swift as the wind, a small figure with a blue arrow on his head darted in and threw himself at her. She caught Aang and held him close, feeling him start to sob.

"Aang," she murmured. "I'm here, it's over. It's over." She didn't know what exactly had happened, but there was a kind of relief she could feel in Aang's weeping.

Katara looked up again. She saw her father's face, and joy washed over her, followed by an agonizing jolt of pure terror as she also saw Sokka, pale, eyes closed, cradled in Hakoda's arms.

"Sokka?!" the cry escaped her. "No--dad, is he--"

"He's just unconscious!" Hakoda said quickly, and the relief Katara felt was unparalleled to anything she had ever experienced.

It was all too much. She was suddenly dizzy. Toph and Suki, who also appeared at the doorway, grabbed her and Aang to keep them both upright.

"Easy, just breathe," Suki told her.

"What happened to Sparky? Why is he out of it?" Toph asked.

"Azula...lightning," Katara managed. She held tight to Aang, who hadn't stopped crying. "He's going to be fine, and she's locked up. Sokka?"

"Broke his leg being all brave and stuff," said Toph.

"He passed out from the pain and shock only a few minutes ago," Suki added. "We ran into your dad on our way into the palace and Sokka fainted into his arms."

Katara hardly dared to ask with Aang so emotional in her embrace, but she had to. "And...Ozai?"

"I didn't kill him," Aang sniffled. "I-I learned how to take his bending away, the lion turtle told me how, and I d-did it and I didn't kill him, Katara, I didn't have to kill him, a-and I…"

"I'm so proud of you," she said, her voice breaking. "Oh, Aang…" She burst into tears.

A moment later, she felt her father's hand on her shoulder. "Katara," he said. "It's going to be alright. I...I hate to ask any more of you right now, but Sokka's leg is badly broken, and he needs…"

Katara didn't stop crying, but she did draw out the water from the bottle at her waist and began to heal Sokka's leg. It was definitely badly broken. The bones had snapped in two places, and had been knocked out of place by some impact. Still, she managed to align them and start knitting them back together well enough that they could heal on their own. Then, absolutely exhausted, she toppled over against her father's side, still holding Aang, and relinquished all responsibility. They were safe. She could rest now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm super stressed today :D so i'm posting this chapter because at least i have control over Something even if that something is a posting schedule for a fanfiction
> 
> happy tuesday y'all, love you. this time will have its place even if it feels like we're all being pulled in the wrong direction. our lives will settle. <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the short final chapter of part one of this story! Thank you all for reading and sticking with me! <3

Sokka woke up shaking, reaching out, the ghostly image of Toph's hand slipping out of his and her body falling, tumbling out of sight, her  _ screaming _ lingering in his mind. For half a second, he couldn't remember if that had been what happened or not. When he did remember, he let his arm drop with a relieved sigh.

_ Tui and La, my leg hurts, _ was his next thought. There was a deep, achy throb in the broken bone. It wasn't as bad as it should have been, though, not the mind-numbing agony it had been before he passed out upon seeing his father.  _ Katara must have already had a go at it. _

He looked around, taking in the room he had woken up in. Suki was curled up close to him, just barely touching him, like she was afraid that she might hurt him if she did any more. She was asleep. On his other side lay Zuko, flat on his back, a bandage wrapped around his upper body. And on the other side of Zuko, Toph was snuggled up next to him, hugging his arm like it was a toy platypus bear. Both of them seemed to be asleep as well.

Sokka sat up slightly and looked over the edge of the bed. He smiled fondly at the sight of his father sitting on the floor with Katara nestled in his arms. And Aang was clinging to her, sleeping more peacefully than he had ever seen the kid sleep before. Katara, too, looked peaceful, even though there were tear tracks on her face and dark circles under her eyes. Hakoda's head was tilted back. Sokka was sure that he would have stayed awake as long as he could to watch over them, but war took a toll on adults as well as children, and he must have been so tired.

_ This is what it was all for, _ thought Sokka as he drew Suki a bit closer to himself, felt her shift and heard her sigh in her sleep. He reached out and put his hand on Zuko's arm--he was warm and alive. So was Toph, snoring quietly, and Aang, whose soft and steady breathing had often been a comfort on nights in camp when Sokka couldn't sleep. Katara's head leaned on their dad's chest, both getting some much-needed rest in each other's company.  _ This whole little family, all--well, nearly all--together. This was the point, wasn't it? This was what we were all fighting for. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be taking next week off because it is finals week for my summer term, but I'll be back the week after with part 2 of this story. Thanks, everyone! I hope you have a great week! Love you all! <3 ~Martin

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be posting updates Tuesdays and Fridays until the fic is finished (there are 10 chapters), and then I'll hopefully move onto part two immediately if I have enough written.
> 
> Please drop a comment if you liked the fic! And you can find me @hopefulqueer on tumblr if you want to be friends! <3 ~Martin


End file.
